Shame is a painful, social emotion that can be seen as resulting from comparison of the
self ‘s action with the self’s standards but which may equally stem from comparison of the self’s state of being with the ideal social context’s standard.
Thus, shame may stem from volitional action or simply self-regard; no action by the shamed being is required: simply existing is enough. Both the comparison and standards are enabled by socialization . Though usually considered an emotion , shame may also variously be considered an affect , cognition,
state, or condition .
Do you want to learn about what shame does to us as human beings? Well,the book “I Thought It Was Just Me,” will help you with that.
In this review, i will take you through what the book is ,what it talks about ,its cost and finally my thoughts about the book.
Lets get started on this book review:
Name : I thought it was just me
Author: Brené Brown
Price: Buy New: $11.55
Best place to buy: www.amazon.com
Genre: Self Help Book
Publisher: J P TARCHER/PENGUIN PUTNAM
Publication Date : January 1, 2008
What It Is
This is a book that demonstrates the ways in which shame is actually present in the most mundane and visible aspects of our lives-from our mental and physical health and body image to our relationships with our partners, our kids, our friends, our money, and our work.
After talking to hundreds of women and therapists, Dr. Brown is able to illuminate the myriad shaming influences that dominate our culture and explain why we are all vulnerable to shame. We live in a culture that tells us we must reject our bodies, reject our authentic stories, and ultimately reject our true selves in order to fit in and be accepted.
Outlining an empowering new approach that dispels judgment and awakens us to the genuine acceptance of ourselves and others, I Thought It Was Just Mebegins a crucial new dialogue of hope.
Through potent personal narratives and examples from real women, Brown identifies and explains four key elements that allow women to transform their shame into courage, compassion and connection.
Dr. Brené Brown (born November 18, 1965) is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation – Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.
She has spent the past sixteen years studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of four #1 New York Times bestsellers – The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly , Rising Strong , and Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and The Courage to Stand Alone. Her new book,
Dare to Lead: Bold Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. , is scheduled for publication in October 2018. I think she is really experienced in this field and she guarantees you a good,well researched book.
Brown’s TED talk – The Power of Vulnerability is one of the top five most viewed TED talks in the world with over 30 million views. Brené lives in Houston, Texas with her husband, Steve, and their children, Ellen and Charlie.
What The Book Talks About
Shame corrodes the very part of us that believes we are capable of change. If you want to make a difference, the next time you see someone being cruel to another human being, take it personally. Take it personally because it is personal!
Courage is a heart word. The root of the word courage is cor – the Latin word for heart. In one of its earliest forms, the word courage meant “To speak one’s mind by telling all one’s heart.”
Over time, this definition has changed, and today, we typically associate courage with heroic and brave deeds. But in the author’s opinion, this definition fails to recognize the inner strength and level of commitment required for us to actually speak honestly and openly about who we are and about our experiences good and bad. Speaking from our hearts is what she thinks of as “ordinary courage.
Compassion is not a virtue — it is a commitment. It’s not something we have or don’t have — it’s something we choose to practice. We cannot grow when we are in shame, and we can’t use shame to change ourselves or others.
The biggest potential for helping us overcome shame is this: We are “those people.” The truth is we are the others.
Most of us are one paycheck, one divorce, one drug-addicted kid, one mental health illness, one sexual assault, one drinking binge, one night of unprotected sex, or one affair away from being “those people” the ones we don’t trust, the ones we pity, the ones we don’t let our kids play with, the ones bad things happen to, the ones we don’t want living next door.
Compassion is not a relationship between the healer and the wounded. It’s a relationship between equals. Only when we know our own darkness well can we be present with the darkness of others. Compassion becomes real when we recognize our shared humanity.
This is the shame of the woman whose hand hides her smile because her teeth are so bad, not the grand self-hate that leads some to razors or pills or swan dives off beautiful bridges however tragic that is.
This is the shame of seeing yourself, of being ashamed of where you live and what your father’s paycheck lets you eat and wear.
This is the shame of the fat and the bald, the unbearable blush of acne, the shame of having no lunch money and pretending you’re not hungry.
This is the shame of concealed sickness—diseases too expensive to afford that offer only their cold one-way ticket out. This is the shame of being ashamed, the self-disgust of the cheap wine drunk, the lassitude that makes junk accumulate, the shame that tells you there is another way to live but you are too dumb to find it.
This is the real shame, the damned shame, the crying shame, the shame that’s criminal, the shame of knowing words like glory are not in your vocabulary though they litter the Bibles you’re still paying for.
This is the shame of not knowing how to read and pretending you do. This is the shame that makes you afraid to leave your house, the shame of food stamps at the supermarket when the clerk shows impatience as you fumble with the change.
This is the shame of dirty underwear, the shame of pretending your father works in an office as God intended all men to do. This is the shame of asking friends to let you off in front of the one nice house in the neighborhood and waiting in the shadows until they drive away before walking to the gloom of your house.
This is the shame at the end of the mania for owning things, the shame of no heat in winter, the shame of eating cat food, the unholy shame of dreaming of a new house and car and the shame of knowing how cheap such dreams are.
We put so much of our time and energy into making sure that we meet everyone’s expectations and into caring about what other people think of us, that we are often left feeling angry, resentful and fearful.
Nothing silences us more effectively than shame. Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing we are flawed and therefore unworthy of acceptance and belonging.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our Light, not our Darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of God.
Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightening about shrinking so that other people won’t feel unsure around you.
We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. As we let our own Light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
This book will cost you this much according to amazon.
Buy New $ 11.55
You can purchase the book on other platforms.
I think that this book is important in understanding shame and how it effects everyone at so many levels and is eye opening.
Learning how to be resilient to shame and learning how to speak about shame has been very impactful. It will also help you understand how to be more empathetic towards others and what it really means to empathize, really listening and feeling the many emotions shame brings.
Feel free to leave in your comments as well
as your questions.