There is absolutely nothing wrong with being nice. If you’re sweet and caring and kind, I’m not going to suggest you stop. But there are definitely some signs you’re being too nice, and it can unfortunately cause some problems.
Think of all the times you’ve felt like a doormat, or agreed to something you didn’t have time for, or got stuck in a way-too-long conversation with someone at the grocery store.
These things happen to everyone, but they especially happen to nice people. That’s because nice people often don’t know how to say no, and they certainly don’t know how to stand up for themselves.
Are you too nice and want to stop it? then the book,”Not Nice”,book will help you with that.
In this review, i will take you through what the book is ,what it talks about,its cost and finally my thoughts about the book.
I will try all my best to give you every single detail about this book and if by any chance i do not tackle one of the things you really wanted,you can as well ask in the comments area and i will be happy to help you out .
Lets then,get started on this book’s review:
Name: Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, and Feeling Guilty… . and Start Speaking Up, Saying No, and Unapologetically Being Yourself
Author: Aziz Gazipura
Genre: Self-help book
Publisher: Center For Social Confidence,
Publication Date : 17 October 2017
Book length: 503 pages
What It Is
This is a book that takes an incisive look at the concept of nice. Through his typical style, Dr. Aziz uses engaging stories, humor, and disarming vulnerability to cut through the nice conditioning and liberate the most bold, expressive, authentic version of you.
Dr. Aziz is a clinical psychologist and one of the world’s leading experts on social confidence. After being stuck in shyness and social anxiety himself for almost 10 years, he became determined to find a way to social freedom.
Through thousands of hours of his own training, counseling, reading, group work, and coaching, he has truly mastered what it takes to break free from shyness and social anxiety into a life of confidence.
In 2011, Dr. Aziz started The Center For Social Confidence, which is dedicated to helping everyone break through their shyness and social anxiety.
Through his unique blend of compassion, humor, and personal courage, Dr. Aziz has helped thousands of people all over the world increase their confidence.
Through confidence coaching, audio and video programs, podcasts, a detailed blog, and intensive weekend workshops, Dr. Aziz lives out his mission: To help every person who is stuck in shyness liberate themselves to pursue the relationship, career, and life they have always dreamed of.
He lives in Portland, Oregon with his wife Candace and son Zaim (who he claims is the “most socially confident badass kid in the world.”)
With his expertise on this fields guarantees you as a reader through content and help to deal with your social problems.
What The Book Talks About
In this book you’ll discover how to:
=> Easily say “no” when you want to and need to.
=> Confidently and effectively ask for what you want.
=> Speak up more freely in all your relationships.
=> Eliminate feelings of guilt, anxiety, and worry about what others will think.
Lets now delve deeper into the topic of being too nice:
The psychological of niceness is the personality trait of agreeableness .
It is okay to have this trait but sometimes it can be overboard.
Are you overly accommodating to others? Do you let people walk all over you? Do you consistently put others’ needs before your own?
Once you tip the scales too far, you’re no longer just a “nice person,” you’re actually acting in ways that can be detrimental to your overall well-being.
Signs That You Are Too Nice:
1.You take care of everyone else’s needs before your own. You neglect yourself and put your needs last. You cancel, or don’t even plan, things that would actually replenish and make you happy like hanging out with your friends or going for a hike.
2.You’re always busy. You rush from one thing to the next. You’re over committed. You’re always doing something for someone else.
3.You’re overly responsible. You work hard. You don’t want to let anyone down. You drive your cousin to work when his car breaks down and cover your coworker’s shift when no one else volunteers. You pride yourself on being the “go-to guy.”
4.You apologize for everything. It’s admirable to apologize when you’ve actually done something wrong. But you’re apologizing because it’s raining or because your wife didn’t put gas in the car—clearly things that you didn’t cause.
5 .You worry that people won’t like you. Your need to be liked is intense. The fear of rejection drives all these people-pleasing behaviors.
6.You can’t say “no.” You agree to do things that you don’t really want to do, which makes you angry and fatigued.
7.You judge yourself harshly. You expect perfection and nothing else will do. When you fall short, you’re degrading and mean to yourself.
8.You don’t voice your own opinion, especially if it’s different than someone else’s. You’re often saying “I don’t know” because you don’t want to disagree or because you’re not even sure what you want, need, or believe.
9.You feel resentful. Even though you volunteer and agree to all these commitments, you resent doing a lot of things. You do things out of obligation rather than true desire.
10.You avoid conflict at all costs. Nothing makes you more uncomfortable than a potential argument. So, you stuff your feelings down inside. But problems build up (and so does anger, depression and anxiety) when you don’t address them.
11.You act like a martyr. You play the victim: “My job’s so demanding. My wife has a honey-do list a mile long. My kids can’t do anything for themselves.” But you don’t do anything to change it. You crave validation and secretly want people to feel sorry for you.
12.You’re tired. Really tired. It’s no surprise you’re tired with all the extra work you’re doing. But you’re also tired because you’re eating crap, staying up too late, and don’t make time to exercise.
How To Stop Being Too Nice.
1.Smile and Say ‘No’
No. No. No No No. See? You said it so many times right now, right? Now look in the mirror and say ‘no’ to yourself. Look yourself in the eye, and say ‘no’. You could, right? So why shouldn’t you be able to say it to people?
Begin with friends, or people you are most comfortable with – your family, relatives, maybe even your boyfriend/girlfriend.
Then move on to those you are less familiar with – your peers, your colleagues, your superiors. Do not say ‘no’ in a disrespectful or rebellious manner. Say it confidently, say it genuinely. And most importantly, say it with a smile!
2.Stand Up for Yourself
Do not expect other people to salvage you. Do not expect someone to butt in and save people from taking advantage of you.
Just the way you tell your mom when you are hungry, or tell your brother when you want to rest and be left alone for a while, tell your friend you can’t drop of the parcel for him/her at the courier guy.
If you are about to hit the sack and your friend calls you up and wants you to help him/her out with a presentation, don’t stay up against your will and do it. Tell them you have had a long day and really need to rest.
Divide and prioritize things in your life – and stick to your priorities. Do not change them just because someone else thinks they are wrong. If your boyfriend/girlfriend or partner is your priority, let that be your choice, and not his/her wish or command!
Being too nice in any kind of relationship – romantic or otherwise – is not the way to make it work. A relationship can work only if both try to make it work. Do not blame yourself if it goes kaput. Know what you did to make it work, and have faith in your efforts and in yourself.
4.You Before the World
Prioritize, yes. But at least once in a while, put yourself before the world! You before your children, you before your husband, you before you relatives, you before your friends, you before anybody and everybody.
At least do ONE thing in the day that is completely for yourself, because YOU want to do it. Take a walk, go shopping, go to the movies, join a book-club, take dance lessons, learn a foreign language, anything… But let it be YOUR hour of the day.
Love yourself – absolutely, unconditionally, sincerely! Pamper yourself with a gift once in a while. And do it without feeling guilty. Do not let anyone encroach upon your personal time, your emotions, YOU. And do not feel obliged to be nice to people all the time – instead feel obliged to be nice to yourself at least once in a while.
Always remember – the minute you settle for
less in life, you get less than what you settled for . The world was here before you, it doesn’t owe you anything. But that doesn’t mean you owe everything to the world either. Learn the difference between being nice and being too nice, and choose to stop being too nice – it is for your own good.
Best Place to Buy The Book
The best place I recommend you buy the book is on Amazon. The price there is fair and according to my research, it is the most trusted online store at the moment. It will also be very convenient for you to buy there if you were planning to do more online shopping today.
I thibk that this is a really good book with great insights about boundaries.
Feel free to leave in your comments as well
as your questions.
I hope you found this review useful to you.