When two people are in love there might not be any boundaries. But when love translates into marriage, there is a need to draw limits.
Setting rules and guidelines ensure that both the partners are happy and know where the extent of certain things is. That helps keep the marriage healthy for a lifetime.
Do you want to learn all about these boundaries in marriage that need to be set and how to do them the right way? Then this book is going to help you with that.
My boundaries in marriage book review will be looking at the most essential aspects of the book, the boundaries that the author gives much stress on, other important bits of the book, its price, the best place to buy the book and my personal thoughts on it.
Let us get rolling. 🙂
Name: Boundaries in Marriage
Author: Henry Cloud, John Pearson, and John Townsend
Best Place to Buy: www.amazon.com
Genre: Self Help Book
Publisher: Zondervan on Brilliance Audio
Publication Date: May 6, 2014
What It Is
This book is aimed at helping newly weds as well as other couples who have been in marriage for a good while understand the actual boundaries that need to be set, the need to have the boundaries, and how to keep their love intact while working with them.
It will help you know when to go along with what your spouse says and when to politely object.
Let’s face it, not all times will couples agree on things. There are times when you see things from different perspectives and you have to honour each other’s opinions and discuss them to come to a conclusion that favours both sides.
And this is where the benefits of boundaries come to play.
Some of the key concepts you will get from the book include:
• Setting the right boundaries and maintaining them properly while keeping the respect between spouses.
• Basing the marriage on values that promote equity, love, freedom and responsibility.
• Trusting the other spouse enough to keep off the other parties from prying the relationship.
• The importance of being understanding with each other no matter the personality of the spouse.
The author of this book is Dr. Henry Cloud. He is a well known speaker who co-hosts the New life Live Radio Program with Dr. John Townsend, who is also the co-founder of Cloud-Townsend Resources and Cloud-Townsend Clinic.
His most notable works include the Boundaries books which got Gold Medallion Awards as well as Making Small Groups Work.
Dr. Cloud resides in Southern California with his wife and his daughters.
Based on his vast experience in the industry and how well others talk of his expertise, I would have to say he is someone you can trust to give you reliable advice.
What The Book Talks About
The ideal marriage in the eyes of the Almighty is that each of the spouse should be happy and satisfied as part of union. The marriage should be pegged on boundaries that are reflecting truth, humility, patience with one another.
Couples should have a good support system that offers help to them in order to greatly enrich their relationship so that it is and remains strong.
Couples often live out years of falsehood trying to protect and save a relationship, all the while destroying any chance of real relationship.
They should always face the problems they face head on instead of pretending they don’t exist.
The boundaries in the marriage should never be used as a weapon of oppression towards either of the spouse instead they should always be aimed at freedom and responsibility based on love.
So, it is important to own up to mistakes because then dealing with them becomes easy.
People who always want to be happy and pursue it above all else are some of the most miserable people in the world.
And things don’t change in a marriage until the spouse who is taking responsibility for a problem that is not hers decides to say or do something about it.
Marriage is not slavery. It is based on a love relationship deeply rooted in freedom. Each partner is free from the other and therefore free to love the other. Where there is control, or perception of control, there is not love. Love only exists where there is freedom.
Don’t get angry with your spouse for her weakness! This is the worst thing you can ever do. It is using your strength in that area to destroy. If you have done that, if you have judged your spouse’s weakness or inability, put down this book and go apologize, if not for her sake, then for your own.
All good marriages need outside support, so we need to seek out the right and appropriate sources. These should be people who are not only safe, but whose influence on us strengthens the marriage bond.
Find people who are “for” your marriage and want to help you grow together. Avoid those who play the game of “poor you, being married to that bad person.
If every marriage placed value on holiness, the following would be present: Confession and ownership of the problems in each individual .
A relentless drive toward growth and development A giving up of everything that gets in the way of love a surrendering of everything that gets in the way of truth A purity of heart where nothing toxic is allowed to grow.
The primary reason for growth must be that one is “hungering for righteousness”—not for someone else, but for oneself.
Love is at the heart of marriage, as it is at the heart of God himself (1 John 4:16).
Here are some tips that can help you establish and maintain healthy boundaries:
1.Communicate your thoughts and feeling honestly and clearly. Whenever possible, be honest but respectful in sharing your thoughts and feelings with your partner.
Sometimes it’s difficult to sort out what you are thinking or feeling at any given moment. It’s fine to ask for some time to sort this out, but don’t use this as a tactic to avoid a future discussion.
2.Ask your partner what they are feeling versus guessing. Each of you has your own thoughts and feelings, and each person is responsible for putting them into words in order to be understood. This way, your partner doesn’t need to guess.
3.Take responsibility for your choices. Instead of blaming your partner for how you feel or for what’s happening, ask yourself how your choices – purposeful or accidental – may have contributed to the situation.
4.Express your feelings as belonging to you without blaming your partner. For example, it’s much better to say something like, “I feel hurt and misunderstood in this conversation” than to say, “You made me feel hurt because of the way you talked to me.” The former is simply expressing an emotion; the latter is blaming your partner for the hurt feelings.
Healthy boundaries take practice, especially if you’ve come from a family where boundaries were unclear or barely recognized.
With practice you and your partner will be better able to identify where the boundary line should be in your relationship. As a result, your bond will only grow stronger and more secure over time.
The Best Place to Buy the Book
I recommend you get the book from Amazon. It is my personal favorite store which is really convenient when it comes to shopping online. It is the safest place I know and it saves time if you were planning to do more online shopping today as you can get everything there.
I think this book is helpful because it teaches a person how to express oneself in marriage and the importance to be truthful and doing things out of freedom and love and taking responsibility for one’s action.
Feel free to leave in your comments as well
as your questions.
I hope you found this review useful to you.